Death

Well, let's get ready to get to the core of human fear, the greatest enemy of all living, death! I know that all this talk of fear, death and darkness raises questions? where is he going with all this and why does he keeps bothering us with it, enough already! Well bear with me people, I promise you it will be so much brighter very soon, please hang in there as the rewards of this journey will be revealed very soon to both you and me :)

Yesterday we had a full moon total eclipse, these last two full moons have been really intense, last one I experienced almost having an accident on my motorbike, witnessed a run over dog lying in death cramps with blood foaming out of it's mouth and 5 minutes later a run over snake twitching creepily also in the road. Death is in most philosophies, religions and folklore thought of as a symbol of transformation signaling the end of what was and the start of what's becoming, when something new starts or is born some- thing old needs to end or die. Even though I've been asking for this through my spiritual practice, the intensity of each new experience continues to catch me off guard. It has to, to serve it's profound effect.

After having two coaching sessions over skype I decided to head down to the spa for a colonic, flushing out my constipated stomach, the remains of a pretty powerful liver cleansing program I did a few days earlier. I'm living in the top house of a nice resort in the mountainside of Lamai, Koh Samui, with a great view overlooking the sea and the vast coconut palms of the island. As I start descending the stairs a sudden and overwhelming feeling of death fills my body and mind, and the world outside starts to hang heavy and looming dark down on me. Having in mind the liver cleanse some days earlier, I'm starting to get visions of my liver being congested or damaged in this process and also feel a sharp tingling pain in my side. I am taking extra good care while climbing down the steep steps from the mountainside, feeling worse as approaching closer to the bottom, climbing on my motorbike and rolling down the steep road as I always do, before starting the bike down at the bottom. I am feeling like an already dead man riding a motorbike, thinking what a fool I was to just stop the medical insurance. Coming further down the road I try to get a grip and manage to surrender to the situation, if I die, I die. There is no need to worry about that while still being alive. The feeling keeps on being overwhelming, but at least now it's not fed any further with fear, at least not until after entering the spa and ordering a colonic from the staff there. I'm starting to feel worse every second now and share my experience with the fasting manager, who studies me with probing eyes and acknowledges that I am looking a bit pale. I can see myself falling to the floor in the near future if this continues to progress, asking them to call an ambulance crosses my mind, but do I really want to be at the Bangkok hospital at Samui with a serious condition? The thought of that is not helping either.. at least I need to sit down, quick! I'm explaining the symptoms to the fasting manager and is now feeling completely spaced out, my head feels clogged and the pain in my side intensifies. I can't really hear what he replies to me, except the words: "transformation", "full moon", "healing crisis" and most importantly "also this shall pass" Another friend also appears, and they're starting a conversation about their upcoming holiday. Sitting there observing them in disbelief, failing to believe this subject can be more important than my current condition. Reflecting on that for a moment and checking in, my symptoms seemed to have stabilized, that along with the fact that they aren't giving me any attention it's dawning on me that I may be able to go through this. Giving myself an encouraging smile, this new found courage increases as I find the energy to get up from my chair and get along with the colonic. I relieved my constipation by flushing out the block in my stomach, which also is a great reminder for all of us: A clean colon is the source of light and well-being in our lives, and a congested one can bring dis-ease and in the worst case death, so note to self people, check out the science of fasting and colonic irrigation to stay young, healthy and beautiful, it is beyond words incredible! Ok, enough fasting commercials, let's get back to the story ;) After the colonic I start to feel better, although still overwhelmed by this experience and still very much in it. Making my way to the restaurant, finding a table and sitting down, Nick the Briddish life coach and my new closest neighbour next door below me, comes to my table and tells me bluntly: "Are, I had a dream of you last night"! "You were going down from your house and all your steps where missing, you literally fell off the cliff, crushed your face in the rocks and died! it was awful man and so real! I was just getting to know you as a friend mate and now you're dead, I could really feel the strong emotions attached to it" he further explained.

Pay special attention to the fact that this whole experience started just as I was about to descend the steps from my house..

It's obvious to me that this was an experience of ego death. In the Buddhist traditions we can go through a number of these as we shed our old belief systems and values that doesn't serve us anymore, and thus come closer to our full potential. The intensity and perceived drama of this experience is created by the ego, desperately trying to hold on to it's old sense of self, this survival mechanism can be found in most living entities. For the experience to have it's profound impact it needs to be perceived as real. On the cleansing side of the coin this is called a healing crisis and can have quite a dramatic impact on all levels of your being, mental, spiritual as well as physical. Nevertheless uncomfortable and unpredictable it's quite harmless and holds an integral part of the holistic healing process. As above, so below.

Stay tuned for more happy days ;)